Take my Hand

I told the children it was time to go to sleep. The usual wild rumpus started and so I tried to crack down on the shenanigans. I told the little boys to go to sleep because they are going to play at Terry's tomorrow. "Are you working tomorrow?," Brian asked. I told him that I was going to be at Ethan's funeral.

I finished tucking in each boy for the 5th time and walked out of the room. Little Brian's voice could be heard as he called to me through their closed door. A very concerned voice asked, "Mom, can you tell me what Ethan will look like tomorrow?" This was a question I had not properly anticipated.

It was immediately clear, despite the darkness in their room, that Brian had tears clinging to his eyes. I came to his bed and rubbed his back as I talked to him about our beliefs in life continuing after this one. I explained that Ethan's body will be there, but his sparkly spirit will not. He has left his body and his spirit, which is the very essence of everything he is, can now do so many things that he loves, because he is no longer restricted by his body. We compared what Ethan was able to do in the hospital to what he is now able to do. I told him that Heavenly Father had important plans for Ethan to do. We talked about how hard this separation is for his family and all who know them.

Most importantly we talked about how Ethan gets to run and be healthy where he is. Brian was pleased to think of Ethan having animals to play with and many friends and family to be with while he waits to be reunited with his family. We talked about how we each have important work to do. He suggested that Lincoln, now 2, still has plenty of work to do learning not to melt down when we try to leave the water park, the way he had done this evening. We talked about how families will be together forever and we considered the difference between how long this life is and how long eternity will be. We discussed how incredible Ethan the brave is and how essential he must be to Heavenly Father and his plan for his children.

I gave my big 7 year old a hug in his bed after I was assured that he knew Heavenly Father was carefully watching over all of us. As I comforted my son with all of the great missions he has to fulfill all of the important tasks Heavenly Father needs him for, I couldn't help but say a silent prayer pleading that all of my desires for my sweet boys will continue to fit within the Master's plans, and that they will always remain here in my watchful care.

Ethan's funeral was sacred and celebrated his beautiful, resilient spirit. What an honor to revisit his precious life through the words and stories of his mother, father and grandmother. How special to listen as his sweet sister sang his favorite lullaby and his siblings and cousins sang of families being together forever. There was an outpouring of spirit confirming that Ethan is a cherished spirit of the Lord. What beautiful memory tables were created. I loved the picture displayed of Jesus holding hands with a small boy walking through a beautiful garden, it was signed by the artist, Greg Olsen, and inscribed with the words, "Take my hand Ethan." It would be hard for anyone to resist such an offer from the Savior. Just as the Savior loved to gather the children round his knee, I know that Ethan is in our Father's keeping. I hope that the many special keepsakes they have will enhance their fond memories of their little hero and help ease their heartaches. Our prayers will continue to be for them, and our hearts send our love.

Precious Cargo

My best friend in Nursing School was Heidi. There are certain people in life who are instantly and constantly loved by everyone who meets them. That is Heidi. This is a girl that everyone loves. If there were ever a popularity contest for our graduating class of RN's, I am quite confident she would've worn the crown. I claim her as my best friend in nursing school but truth is she probably had a dozen other people who would claim her as their favorite person too!

The simple fact is, she is worthy of ALL the adoration.

She is kind, funny, and sometimes quirky. Most importantly, she is friendly, hardworking and incredibly talented. Our last semester of school she decided to start her family. I remember her puking during class. She endured persistent and exhausting pregnancy nausea during one of the toughest semesters known to college students.

She took it like a champ.

I remember driving Heidi to our review course for the dreaded nursing exam. As I drove my tiny framed, adorable friend, with her pronounced belly, housing her 7months gestation baby, something hit me. I was overcome by an urgency to drive carefully because I was transporting precious cargo. This was 8 years ago, yet the impression of how valuable she is has not diminished.

I've always known people like Heidi are rare. People that cool, who make everyone around them feel like a million bucks are priceless. She has that quality. The next time I saw Heidi again, great with child was in February. This time she was again carrying very special cargo. We learned that he was exceptionally rare in that he was born with 2 congenital heart defects.

I wished I could protect my friend and her son Ethan. Oh, that I had the proper skills and the magic wand necessary to provide them a smooth and luxurious ride through this life. It became clear to me that on this journey the driver was Heavenly Father.

Prayer was our greatest resource. As I and my children prayed to our Father to help our little friend, we learned of Ethan's advancements and setbacks. We prayed fervently for improvements.

He was called to endure numerous physical challenges. Ethan was resilient and patient. He shared tender and special moments with his family and all who know them. Touched thousands with his little smiles and his slate blue eyes filled with sage wisdom.

My eyes overflow with tears and my heart is choked with sadness as I learn that Ethan's earthly journey is complete. I know this must be part of The Master's plan for Ethan. I know he is not alone and he is is no longer restricted by the limitations of his body.

Divine perspective will provide comfort, yet, for now I am heartbroken. Today I long for my friend to hold her sweet baby. I weep for the plans and desires of a mother's heart that must go unfulfilled for a time. If only I could have made Ethan whole so He could have that time at home with his family they so deserved.

Ethan, you will be greatly missed little guy.

To Heidi and her sweet family, I send all my love.

Just as I greatly treasure Heidi and her sweet son, I know Heavenly Father cares infinitely more. I pray he will open the windows of heaven and pour out his love and provide them with divine comfort.